postMadonna.com: Pop culture, with heart.

Rear-end retribution.

A Mexican judge has been fired after trying to spray paint a 13-year-old boy's bottom as penalty for alleged graffiti offenses. Instead of fining the boy's parents, His Honor reportedly ordered the terrified teen to pull his pants down and take his punishment like a man. The mayor of San Juan Del Rio condemned the judge's salacious sentence:

"The report I have is that the judge told him to drop his [trousers] and spray paint [his] buttocks. The moment I found out what he did I cancelled it [his employment], automatically."

Talk about a perversion of justice.

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Pee wee pecker protector.

Switzerland's sexually active tween boys no longer have to suffer the embarrassment of not being able to fill out an adult-sized condom. Swiss condom manufacturer Lamprecht AG has launched a smaller-sized condom, called the Hotshot, aimed at 12 and 13-year-old boys. If you live outside of Europe and were hoping to pick up a box for your randy youngster, company spokesperson Nysse Norballe has some disappointing news for you:

"At the moment we are only producing the Hotshot in Switzerland. But the UK is certainly a very attractive market since there is a very high rate of underage conception. The UK would definitely be top priority if we marketed abroad."

In other news: new chewable fruit-flavored birth control pills, shaped like cartoon characters, are currently in development.

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Naked genius.

New York artist Spencer Tunick's latest project uses the human body as medium. 5200 Australians posed nude in front of the Sydney Opera House in an ultimate exercise of artistic expression. The photo shoot, meant to honor Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, is one of many nude art installations Tunick has composed worldwide.

To view a NSFW video documenting the installation's creation, click here: Nudity in motion.

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The allure of Mr. Average.

Forget tall, dark and handsome. According to a new poll, the ideal man is short, gray and chubby. Of the 2500 women polled, many admitted to secretly preferring men with hairy chests, love handles and oddball personalities. The perfectly groomed, buff prince has apparently been traded in for the scruffy, lower-maintenance frog.

Who's your "average guy" crush?

Don't tell anyone, but mine is Seth Rogen.

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Feline foreplay.

Video won't play? Click here: Kitty kneading.

Like human lovers, these passionate pussies like a sensual massage to get them in the mood.

Enjoy.

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Captain Condom's conquest.

London, Ontario's public health unit has developed an innovative and creative way to teach teens about safe sex. An on-line game called "Adventures in Sex City" aims to educate kids about sexually transmitted infections through the use of colorful characters such as Wonder Vag, Willy the Kid, Power Pap and Captain Condom. Once your randy adolescent has selected an alter ego, he or she must answer 25 sexual health questions correctly in order to conquer the evil Sperminator.

Where was this game when I was a kid? All I got was the awkward "make sure you use a condom" talk.

To take on the Sperminator, click here: Adventures in Sex City.

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Bogus bulge.

Scores of British men gave their partners an eyeful over Valentine's Day weekend by padding their piece with package-enhancing undies. Last week, U.K. department store group Debenhams reported a 76% increase in the sale of briefs that lift and hold a man's equipment, much like the Wonderbra does for a woman's cleavage.

False advertising be damned. Where do I get a pair?

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Cocky couture.

Do you wish your man had a more stylish trouser snake? A swanker schlong? Well, thanks to an innovative new company, he can be the owner of well-dressed wang. DapperDicks.com offers a variety of costumes for his picky pecker. Dress his baloney poney up as a doctor, cowboy, fireman, pirate or gangster.

To check out the full line of get-ups available for the discerning dong, click here: DapperDicks.com

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When gorging is foreplay.

Forget oysters and chocolate covered strawberries. Some people get turned on by watching their lovers devour food of any kind - as long as it's in large amounts. A subversive fetish known as feederism has recently sparked discussion in the mainstream. The unusual sexual practice involves one partner feeding the other huge quantities of food, so that both are aroused by overeating and the resulting weight gain.

Now we know what Kermit and Miss Piggy were really up to behind closed doors.

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Sexual frustration made in China.

Sexual repression among migrant workers in China's province of Guangdong is creating social chaos, say experts. Many who leave their partners behind to work in Guangdong's thriving manufacturing industry are using prostitutes as an outlet. According to Zhang Feng, head of Guangdong's provincial commission of population and family planning, this has lead to an increase in STDs and a lack of focus at work:

"Sexually transmitted diseases are spreading faster among migrant workers, whose sex lives have long been neglected . . . Again this year, I am asking for the government to do the research. Migrant workers will develop less interest in work if they cannot satisfy their sex needs."

Obviously, the Palm sisters are just not doing it for them anymore.

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